Overcome Fears About Aging
As we turn the calendar to 2023, a new month and year, we sense change in life. The beginning of the year offers a good opportunity to reflect upon where you are at in your life, and also to look forward to what may lie ahead.
Our journey on this planet is full of change and challenges as we grow older. Sometimes we welcome the changes, and other times we resist. One of the problems we face is living in a society that values and promotes looking young. Not only are there images of youth all around us, in our culture we may read and hear comments implying that older people are ‘over the hill’.
There are many products and treatments that are marketed as ‘anti-aging’. This feeds into the notion that youthfulness is most desirable and important, and also that we should strive to turn back the clock. It is hard to shake these pressures to look and act young.
All of these things can make it difficult to embrace change and fully accept ourselves as we age. Yet, we can turn those ‘anti-aging’ ideals into the deeper understanding that as we age, we achieve personal wholeness. We just need reminding that there are many gifts, and new opportunities in each stage of life.
I find having role models of people who are inspirational and older than me gives me comfort. Actress Judi Dench is now 88 and when I see her on the big screen, I celebrate her. She is an incredible role model of positive aging.
Also in nature we can observe that aging is a natural process. Each year we see the cycle of birth and growth, followed decay and death. Yet somehow we want to cling on to our youth or to the past, and then we resist our own aging process.
Sometimes people unconsciously adopt the patterns and beliefs about aging that their parents and grandparents had. Memories of how they lived in their later years can be strong and we can believe our destiny will be similar.
For example, my father died when he was 72. But today, we live in a time when life expectancy is much longer. We often see notices on the evening news of people celebrating their 100th birthday. Many people do not succumb to the old patterns of aging. They maintain good health and are optimistic about their older years.
Because people are living much longer, new questions arise. Many people wonder and ask: “How do I get through these years and deal with everything I am facing?” In working with people as a counsellor, I have found there are some key qualities, that are helpful to cultivate as we get older:
Patience: You need patience in all areas of your life. Especially patience to deal with things that take longer to heal. Go a little more slowly and mindfully through your day. People who are now retired say one of things they love in their daily life is they are not in a rush and don’t feel pressured. They have the freedom to choose how to spend their time.
Acceptance: Learn to accept a change such as loss of a physical ability instead of resisting what is happening. Fighting every wrinkle, memory loss or strange hair can lead to distress. Come to peace with the stage you are at right now. I used to love jogging and I would run around the Seawall in Stanley Park, here in Vancouver. I can’t run anymore but I can walk. I often use my walking poles, which give me added strength and balance. I walk with purpose when I use my poles.
Perspective: Fortunately you have lived long enough to have a broader view of things. You know life goes through dips and that things do improve. Having perspective during these years gives you the bigger picture. It also helps you see the positive aspects of your life. Appreciate all that you do have and give thanks.
Self-Talk: Notice how you think and speak about aging. Are you someone whose words are full of doom and gloom? “It’s all downhill from here.” Or, do you declare: “I can handle this.” “I have so much to live for and I have dreams for my future.” Our words and thoughts are powerful.
You are not alone: It is often very comforting to realize there’s a whole generation of people that are dealing with the same issues as you are. When I had my hip replacement in 2018, I got support and suggestions from others who also had this surgery. People lent me equipment that I needed as I stayed in my home unable to drive, waiting patiently to heal.
Cultivate a strong personal support system: Ensure you have people to call on (family, friends, medical personnel.) I often ask people about their support system and if they are happy with the supports they currently have. If they aren’t, we discuss ways to reach out, connect with others, and get the support they need.
If you feel concerned about aging, or have difficulty embracing the stage of life and health you are in, then here are some further questions you can ask yourself:
What do I appreciate at this stage in my life?
What challenges am I working through?
What are my dreams for my future?
Do I have a purpose that is fulfilling to me?
The most important aspect of your own aging is your attitude and the lifestyle choices that you make. Do you see possibilities for growth and contribution on the horizon? If so, you can have a very fulfilling life as you get older.
I have a deep understanding of the aging process. In my counselling practice I help people overcome their fears about aging. Also, I support them in creating a vision for the next stages of life, including having good health, strong social supports and living with a purpose.
If you are needing support with any aspects of aging, please share with me some of the experiences you are currently having. I would love to hear from you.
Warmest wishes,
Brenda